Barbados Day Out

One thing I have learned from our previous trips is that if you are going to travel you have to be willing to embarrass yourself. Unfortunately, this is also one of my greatest fears, and every trip includes some internal battle between the type of person I am and the type of person I hope to be.

In Trinidad I was stuck. I knew that I needed to get over my fear of making mistakes and being noticed, but I just couldn't bring myself to get over it and just order the doubles, for god's sake. 

Today I finally pushed through and ventured out on my own, and forced myself to face the day alone. 

Subash was waiting for an interview and had to stay in the house where there was internet, so I decided I should take the opportunity to explore while we were somewhere safe for me to mess up if need be. I was nervous at first, but once the decision was made began to get excited. There is much to be said for forcing yourself out of your comfort zone, and reminding yourself you are still capable of it.

I packed my bag up with the requisite too-many things and set off at high noon (worst possible time for walking) on the ~30 minute walk from where we are staying to one of the beaches. I walked down a shortcut Subash and I had tried the night before and soaked in the surroundings. Concrete and stucco houses of every color tucked back behind knotted iron fences and walls. Palms and vines and flowers spilling onto every surface. 

I made it to the beach in short order and contemplated my next move. I was afraid of leaving my bag behind on the beach in order to go in the water, but in the end the clear blue water won out. I left my bag, shoes, and clothes at the base of a palm tree, hoped for the best, and walked into the delicious ocean.

I've never been in anything like it. The water is cool and so shockingly blue. It's a surreal experience, floating in all that blue, watching waves of it roll on and on. The water is very salty and floating is easy, no work at all. You can just stay suspended there as the water swells up and fills your view, the pale blue of the water giving way to darker blue sky and then back again.

I normally find the ocean to be a slightly scary place, always keeping one eye on it, but I could have stayed floating like that for hours. 

Finally I headed back to the beach where my belongings were waiting, untouched.

I wandered on a ways down to a little plaza with some tourist shops. I went in and coveted all the sea turtle stuffed animals I would have adored as a kid and still kind of want but for no good reason. I decided to take the long way home along the highway and meandered back. By the ocean an old man walking by asked me how my day was and told me he was single, coming towards me. I waggled my ring finger at him and said that I wasn't without stopping. 

I stopped in a clothing boutique with colorful dresses fluttering outside and spoke to the clerk, a woman from Guyana. She advised me on some of the best cheap food in the area before I went back out to the shimmering pavement. 

In Barbados the taxis have a "Z" on their license plate, and they honk at you as they go by to ask, "?" I walked until I came upon a Trini Doubles stand. No longer in Trinidad but finally ready to order doubles alone, I took the chance to come full circle and ordered six--three with pepper and three without--for $21 Barbados dollars (about $10 USD). I asked the women in the small red and white stand how long it took to make the food, and they said the person gets up at 2 am and cooks until almost 10 every day. They were very friendly, and one divided up my doubles into two small brown paper bags, writing "no pepper" on the bag with those three in round looping letters.

I was supposed to turn soon after this to get back to our house, but the name was different than I had expected on the street sign and instead I kept going. I went on and on, the sidewalk fizzling out and I walked along the road, stepping into the weeds when cars approached. As the road climbed more steeply up the hill towards the top and the houses became less familiar I finally decided I had missed the turn. Employing my safety rule of "when lost, ask a person for directions first, and if possible have that person be a woman," I asked a woman dressed all in white carrying a bunch of gooseberries how to get back, and she sent me back down in the direction I had come. 

Along the way I stopped to take a picture of a dog sleeping behind a "Beware of the Dog" sign and was chastised by a man across the street for walking on the wrong side of the road. 

Finally I found the turn, just a few meters after the doubles stand, and made it back to more familiar territory. Ten minutes later I stumbled through the door, hot, thirsty, and happy.

I'm so glad I went out today. Trinidad had me worried, and it was good to prove to myself that I don't have to be dependent on others to get by. It brought back a little bit of the confidence I had on our last trip, a little bit of sass. Not enough to get me into trouble, but enough to feel like I can handle this trip, like I'm going to make it after all. 

Tomorrow is Saturday. Tuesday we fly out and onwards to our next destination. In the meantime I will eat street food, watch cricket, look for monkeys, and swim in that blue blue water. I am ready.