One Year On

In a few days, it will be an entire year since Subash and I last had a space of our own. An entire year of living out of back packs, and more recently boxes, sleeping in other people's beds, and generally relying on the kindness of strangers.

Since returning to the US, that kindness has mainly been my parents'. We've been living in their house, in my childhood bedroom, with piles of every remaining thing we own heaped around the bed. It's not the prettiest, but it has let us get back on our feet and save up for a real apartment. I am forever grateful to this gift of time my parents have given us, at the cost of their personal space.

One of the best parts of coming home has been seeing our cats again. We all quickly resumed our proper places.

I am starting a physician assistant masters program in August, which I am so excited about. I was in a completely different career, working as a quality control chemist, when I decided to make the change. Changing careers is like turning a big ship--you have to make a series of small adjustments and for a long time the horizon looks the same and it feels like nothing has changed, but ever so gradually land comes into view. Between first deciding to switch careers and actually getting accepted to a program was over a three year process, and included volunteering at a hospital on weekends, taking 5 prerequisite courses I didn't get in undergrad, quitting my salaried/benefits "career" for a minimum wage flex phlebotomy position, taking the GREs, and more. All together it seems overwhelming, even from the other side, but one degree at a time the ship was turned, and here I am!! I can't believe it, and I can't wait to get started.

So we are now, finally, preparing to move into a new apartment in a new town so I can start my new program. Our lease starts July 1st and I am so excited to have our own space. Our new apartment has fake wood floors and two windows in the living room, a dishwasher, and air conditioning. Such luxury! I am most looking forward to decorating with the few precious objects I brought back from our trip. Doorknobs from India, masks from Sri Lanka, block prints from New Zealand.

Because we got rid of most of our belongings a year ago, this is also a chance to start over with a clean slate. My tendency is always to accumulate. I have three bags full of pamphlets and receipts from our trip that I've been schlepping around because, even though I don't really want them, I can't get rid of them yet. I've always joked that I'm just one or two tragedies away from being a hoarder, and there is a ring of truth to it. I like clean organized spaces, but I get some kind of strange packrat caveman pleasure from being surrounded by everything I could ever need. On airplanes, I keep my backpack by my feet  instead of in the overhead bin--even if I never open it, I like knowing that it's there.

This is no way to live, though, and I am going to try to use our new apartment as an opportunity to clean out the remaining detritus of my life and start fresh. I read an article that said you should ask every item if it "brings you joy," and get rid of anything where the answer is no. It's a little hippy-dippy, but I'm going to give it a try. 

I learned a lot on our trip about myself and what I want from my life. I am trying to put those things in to practice. I have been cooking more, and I learned how to make a great latte. I solemnly swear to have guest towels in our new apartment. Most of all, though, I have been trying to "stand alone," which is the best phrasing I can come up with for the idea of presenting myself to the world without apologies, or distractions. 

I met a lot of amazing people on our trip who inspired me, especially women. These women knew who they were, liked themselves, and stood alone in it. 

I'm trying to learn from their example, and I'm getting there! One small turn at a time.